Rant

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You have anger issues. You are quick to judge others, but rarely see your own faults.When people mess up you want them to know it; you want the situation corrected immediately. When you are at fault you want others to be patient with you, forgiving of you. You are unpredictable, unstable, and easily upset. You are not paranoid in the usual sense; you do not feel that everyone is out to get you. Instead you know that at the end of the day everyone  is concerned with their own lives, and that if you are in the way you will be stepped on/over, which makes you paranoid. You have little to no self worth. You expect everyone to give up on you, because if you were them you would have given up on yourself a long time ago. You feel that life is a never ending process of striving to be relevant, to have meaning. When in reality the world would not stop spinning if you died today. You fail to see how you are crucial to anything. You tell yourself that even if you were successful in life it would mean nothing, just another pathetic human who thinks they have purpose. In the grand scheme of things you struggle to see how you matter at all. You do not think of being a better person for yourself; you think of being a better person in terms of people will stop harassing you to be better. Your whole life you have not tried to be the best you can be; you have figured out where the line of acceptability is and cozied into it. You have but one life to live, and if you had your way you would sleep through most of it. You are terrified of the concept of being in any sort of trouble. You tend to not try new things for fear of an unsuccessful outcome. You are unsatisfied with yourself. You hold such low esteem towards yourself. When others try to help you, you push them away at the slightest feeling of discomfort, and then question why you are, “always” by yourself. You make fun of other’s problems but hate when you are mocked. You are a hypocrite. You have no problem talking trash about others but you are the most offended when anything critical is said about you. You make no sense. If you truly believe that you do not matter, that none of this matters, then why not be more laid back? Why do you obsess over being control in every situation when you are smart enough to know that you have no control over anything? If nothing really matters why not go for broke in every endeavor; who cares if you fail? Why has it taken a quarter of a century to decide you should do something, anything? Did you have any dreams growing up? Did you want to be something; why didn’t you try? You are a living example of the old worn out saying, “If you aim for nothing you will hit it every time.” So this is a plea. Do something, make some positive steps, try at the very least. Find the things you are good at and exploit them. Allow others to speak wisdom into your life. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Understand that your attempts at making a decent life have failed and that it would behoove you to accept other’s advice; especially when the advice is coming from people who have stability. Quit giving up on yourself, the universe hasn’t otherwise you would not be here. Know that you have potential to be a source of positive creativity in a bleak world. Stop looking at life in such negative terms. Hope for the best in people and do not be discouraged when failures take place. You regret that you squandered the first twenty years of your life; so do something about it before you are in your thirties full of regret. Use your time wisely. Do not concern yourself with little things that have no real effect on your life. Give yourself value without thinking you are worth more or less than anyone else. Allow yourself to enjoy the little things in life instead of nitpicking every moment. Be happy when you can but do not expect life to be perfect. Be upset when you need to be, but do not say that life is always terrible. Give yourself a fighting chance at having a happy meaningful life, you are worth it.

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